The Hummus Guy: Organic Original Review

I was walking through the store last week when I saw a short, curly haired Middle Eastern man staring me dead in the eyes. He was chubby, with a round face and a smug smile that screamed "douchebag" for lack of a better term. He didn't say anything, he simply continued to stare at me until I felt compelled to say something. What came out of my mouth (in the middle of the grocery store, mind you) was this,"You've gotta be f****** kidding me."

After my sudden exclamation I realized that I had just muttered an F-bomb at an inanimate object... The Hummus Guy. Having never been faced with such an audacious challenge to my knowledge and huminion, I was unsure how to react. So, naturally, I grabbed the tub (thumb directly on the man's stubby little nose) and threw it in my cart... challenge accepted.

Before I begin this review I'd like to say that I've attempted to judge this hummus objectively,—despite the pudgy, olive skinned gentleman before me. 

Tub size: 10 oz
Price: 4.00
Dippers: Simply Naked Sea Salt Pita Chips, Carrots, Crunchmaster Multi-Grain Crackers, (middle) finger

How DARE you little man. How dare you confront me like this. To call yourself "The Hummus Guy" in spite of my dedication to the hummus game is utterly blasphummus. I don't care if you grew up in Tunisia (he did), or that your name is Mohamed (pretty authentic), you've waged a war that you most surely will lose. OK... but seriously, as much as looking at this tub annoys me, I have to say, Mohamed...you've done well.

The resemblance is uncanny...

While I'm not typically a fan of regular hummus, organic hummus, or anything vegan, this is an exception. Its texture rides the perfect balance between creaminess and chunkiness, which is difficult to pull off in an organic blend. I've found many organic hummi are thin and watery—which, as a matter of fact, ends up producing a very similar consistency on the toilet. Mohamed clearly has taken his beans into consideration, so we don't end up spilling ours.

It also has just the right amount of flavoring so as not to overpower the chickpea. Each bite leaves a split second lingering of lemon on the tongue. Sort of like a lemon party in your mouth (I think there's a website for that). I wanted to continue to talk smack but my mouth was full of this Jon-Favreau-looking man's hummus. While it took me a few bites to fully understand the complexity of this blend, I have to give it up to Mohamed. The Hummus Guy Original gets 3.9 chickpeas out of 5.

Trader Joe's Hummus Quartet Review

Tub Size: 20 oz
Price: 4.99
Dippers: Trader Joe's Everything Crackers, Pita Chips,
Carrots, banana (tried it- don't recommend), Finger

Wow, it's as if Mozart himself formed a four-piece symphony of hummi in the perfect container. I'm not even sure he would have known a garbanzo bean from a potato, but Trader Joe's surely does.

This tub has everything going for it as far as variety. It comes packed with a whopping 20 OUNCES of hummus (thats 1.25 pounds for those less mathematically gifted). The flavors, starting with the top left section and moving clockwise, are Tomato Basil, Spicy, Roasted Garlic, and Original. With 4 different hummi clocking in at 5 ounces each, this tub has something for everyone.

For the squares, you've got original. For the homies, you've got garlic. For the hipsters, you've got tomato basil. For the thugs, spicy. I rarely dipped twice consecutively in the same section, the allure of a new flavor was too intoxicating to pass up.

That's the beauty of these new age hummus collabs. It kind of like when Drake releases a new track with Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne, and Dj Khaled. You find yourself shitfaced on the dance floor, rolling dice without a care in the world, girls are shaking muscles in their booty they didn't know they had. The dance floor looks like an African watering hole filled with a pack of hyenas... but good natured hyenas. That's how I would describe this conglomeration of hummi.

My one gripe about the quartet is that once I got to the end of the tub, I found myself struggling to get the last of it. The four separate sections make this hummus difficult to finish off. I felt like a dog struggling to suck peanut butter out of his bone. Like so many other situations in my life, I ended up resorting to the finger.

Overall I give this hummus quartet 4 out of 5 chickpeas. The variety and quality of each hummus complements the others wonderfully. Another pat on the back for Trader Joe's.

Hummus Recall- Sabra Almost Destroyed Us!

 The hummus probably has a better
performance than Adam Sandler

As some of you may have heard, last week some 30,000 Sabra Classic Hummus tubs were recalled due to Listeria Monocytogenes. This may be the biggest event in hummus history since the release of You Don't Mess With the Zohan in 2008.

The official FDA report states, "Listeria monocytogenes is an organism, which can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, frail or elderly people, and others with weakened immune systems. Although healthy individuals may suffer only short-term symptoms such as high fever, severe headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea, Listeria infection can cause miscarriages and stillbirths among pregnant women."

He prefers Atheno's

Two words jump out here... fatal and diarhhea... 
How could a dip that has been so generous to me, be so cruel to others? What has the garbanzo bean done to deserve such horrible attention? I began to question everything I'd done the past two years as I held my head in my hands while having violent diarrhea on the toilet. 

What ails me most is that Sabra is dominating the category with the most average tasting hummi in the game. When I started experimenting with the chickpea in late 2013, I thought Sabra was a godsend. With so little experience, Sabra took me in like a young Israeli mountain goat. I felt secure in it's hooves until I became older and wiser. After trying dozens of different hummi and gaining real world experience with the dip, I came to my senses. 

While the recall came as a shock to many, I should have seen it coming. As an opponent of Sabra and its mediocrity, I allowed myself a smirk and a chuckle. Sabra is the undisputed leader in the hummus category, one that is growing rapidly in the refrigerated spreads section. Since 2010, annual hummus sales top $325 million and continue to rise throughout the United States. This means that Sabra is making tubloads of money on a dip that doesn't hold a candle to other brands.

Look, I get that some people like Sabra. I don't dislike it, it's what I was raised on. But it doesn't compare to some of the other hummi that Trader Joe's or even Safeway has to offer. It also can lead to headaches, diarrhea, and miscarriages ... So explore the wonderful world of hummus with me and and get out of your comfort zone. You'll thank yourself.


P.S. new reviews coming soon

Ménage à Hummus: Trader Joe's 3 Layer Hummus Review

Tub Size: 12 oz
Price: 3.49
Dippers: Carrots, Pita Crackers, Cheez Its, Finger, Tongue

Can you say three, count em' THREE layers of hummus in one brilliantly crafted tub.

I was apprehensive when I picked up this tub. Typically I like to see a hummus in full, no frills about it. The mixing of flavors seemed odd, almost frightening at the time. But let me tell you, the second I opened up the tub I was astonished.

Upon reveal, the hummus looked almost like vomit. It's tricolored, globular appearance didn't exactly make it look appetizing. But after digging a little deeper I started to realize the genius behind the mess.

The architecture of these three hummi is nothing short of spectacular. The trilogy of flavors blends magnificently together to create a unique taste in each bite. To break it down for you: The top "layer" of the hummus contains a blend of about 60% regular, 30% cilantro, and 10% spicy. But as you continue to uncover the rest, the different flavors shift shapes. The cilantro becomes a cylinder, the regular a cone, and the spicy a hidden gem tucked away in the corner with the perfect amount of kick to balance the others. Virtually every bite is a different hummixture!

My favorite combination is when the cilantro meets the spicy towards the bottom of the tub. The traditional spiciness combined with the latin flavors of the cilantro work fantastically together. Sort of like a Mexican throwing a quinceañera for a little Jewish girl.

The three layer hummus packs a serious punch. It's got great texture, flavor, and consistently impresses. While the hummus may look ugly on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? Isn't that why we all eat hummus? Because we are self conscious about our own outside, when everybody's the same on the inside. Because we can't look at ourselves in the mirror without gagging, so we turn to hummus to solve our problems. Okay maybe that's just me.... Overall I would give this hummus a 4 out of 5 chickpeas. It's a fantastic hummunion of hum that I would recommend to anybody.