TJ's Pumpkin Spice Hummus Review: THE PUMPKINS HAVE TAKEN OVER

Every year I get shivers. I can feel it in the air, slowly but surely creeping up until one day, somewhere in a faraway land made of nutmeg and woolen scarves, a switch flips. 

PUMPKINS. EVERYWHERE.

You can't escape them. No matter where you turn they suddenly appear. Warty pumpkins, white pumpkins, red pumpkins... MINI pumpkins! Pumpkins you can fit in your frickin' pocket! You'll never be without a pumpkin again!

No longer is good ol' yellow pasta enough. You need pumpkin pasta. You want some regular soap? No you don't. You clean your dirty self with pumpkin soap now. Why give your dog a normal treat when you can give that little piece of crap a pumpkin treat?

It's insane. The list of new pumpkin items each fall seems to get longer and longer, but this year it crossed into territory very dear to my heart. No matter how obnoxious it seemed, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to give Trader Joe's newest offering a shot: Pumpkin Spice Hummus.

Tub size: 8 oz

Price: $3.99

Dippers: Graham crackers, apple slices, 

airline pretzels (all I had)

Going in I was confused what to dip into this questionable hummus. Pita chips felt weird, carrots felt too healthy, and tortilla chips were too salty. I landed on a few solid options, but the fact that I had to really think about it is an instant hummerit for the PSH (as I like to call it). 

As far as flavor goes, it wasn't bad. It definitely skews on the sweet side—sweeter than I would have liked. There's very little garbanzo taste. I liken it to pumpkin pie. In fact, if you were to substitute the PSH for the filling in a pumpkin pie, you could fool me. It's almost spot on.

Hard not to think about the poop emoji

With regard to texture, this hummus performs very well. It's smooth and silky, not too thick and not too thin, not gummy nor dry. So big ups in the viscosity department. However, to eat this hummus consistently starts to feel almost gluttonous. Once I had it in my head that it was pie filling, I started to feel like I was eating my feelings. No crust necessary, just stuffing my face until the tears went away. It brought back painful memories, but hey let's maybe save that for another blog, shall we?

15 pics later I somehow got her attention

Annnnnyways, on a different note, the PSH actually made me realize something completely unrelated to hummus: graham crackers are downright delicious. If you haven't had them since, I don't know, kindergarten, like I hadn't, I'd highly recommend you revisit them. Trust me.

Look, I never expected the PSH to wow me. And it didn't. It does its job as a fun side dish to ring in the new season, but that's about it. If you're looking for a dip you can hum back to time and time again, there are far better options. That said, I'm glad I gave it a try. This one gets 3/5 chickpeas from me, and 5/5 from my newest accomplice, Ladybug.

Ithaca Hummus Mega Review + I'm a Celeb Now

I'd like to take this moment to thank my fans, my followers, the academy. I've officially made it.

Only true celebrities carry umbrellas in the sun

A while back a friend of mine tagged me on Twitter (@atownedown for those wondering) to review one of his favorite hummus brands, Ithaca. Typically this friend's MO online is trolling me, so I was surprised @FloydMoneyMac actually had something of substance to bring to my attention. We got to talking—DMing, as celebs say—and to my delight and surprise, Ithaca Hummus actually jumped into the conversation. I told them I'd be happy to review their product if they sent some my way.

Well, boy did they deliver—literally. Just a week later I received a package filled with six tubs, and coupons to boot! It felt like Christmas in April. Soon after, I set up a mega spread—a potpourri of chickpea, if you will—to give this surprisingly social-media-savvy brand a shot. I should note that I allowed my hummistress, Jamie, to lend a hand in the review process. I've included her ratings, but please take them with a grain of salt as she's nowhere near as experienced as I am, a now nearly verified celebrity with a whopping 192 Twitter followers and literal dozens of views on this blog. Without further adieu… 

Like evaluating fine wine, tasting notes are a must-have

Ithaca Classic Hummus

Strong start, Ithaca—I see you

For me, traditional hummus is a barometer of quality for the other flavors. In Ithaca's case, that's a great thing. Ithaca's Classic Hummus is tasty and full of life. The texture is extremely smooth and pleasing on the tongue. The flavor is bold yet not overwhelming, with a serious lemon zing—perhaps even a tad too much, which is why this hummus doesn't quite get full marks. However, paired with the sharp parmesan crackers, the lemon is a perfect match.

Alex—4.5/5     Jamie—4.4/5     Average—4.45

Ithaca Kalamata Olive Hummus

Again, Jamie's ratings do
 not matter, folks… 

Olives are polarizing. I'm okay with them in small doses, but anything too olivey starts to taste like something that came out the wrong end of a seagull. Here, my aversion to olives really shined—and conversely, so did my hummistress's love for them. To me, this hummus was way too olivey, practically a tapenade. To Jamie, it was perfect. Weirdly enough, we both agreed the texture was on point (the best out of all five), and that it would make a nice sandwich spread. Either way, our grades tell a very different story.

Alex—2.2/5     Jamie—4.5/5     Average—3.35

Ithaca Lemon Dill Hummus

Perfect for dillholes, dillweeds, and more

Talk about pickle vibes… You really have to be into dill to appreciate this one. The bright and grassy dill taste is very strong throughout. There are some lemony undertones, but it's hard to taste anything but the dill. I will say, though, after the intense initial burst of flavor the hummus starts to grow on you—like a really loud shirt you only wear day drinking. Still, it's an acquired taste.

Alex—3/5     Jamie—2.3/5     Average—2.65

Ithaca Roasted Red Pepper Hummus

Did someone say "roasted"
or are you just happy to see me?

Of all the flavors, I had the highest hopes for this one. The color is gorgeous, the texture is right where it needs to be, and something about the word "roasted" really gets me going. Again, though, the flavor was a little too dominant for true hummus greatness. The red pepper is so apparent it kind of takes over everything else. The texture was also by far the creamiest—more like a dip than a hummus. And for those of you sticklers saying, "Alex, hummus IS A DIP," take a hike. YOU are a dipSH**! You understand what I mean. Overall it was decent, but it fell slightly short of expectations.

Alex—3.5/5     Jamie—3/5     Average—3.25

Ithaca Lemon Beet Hummus

I'm not British but that's bloody delicious

WOW. What a surprise. Considering how I fared in my last beet hummus review, I was honestly scared to try another. Boy was I wrong. Right off the bat, the bright pink color took me back to the porcelain throne where I delivered my beet baby so many years before. But this time was different. The first bite was so delicious I almost didn't believe my tongue. Though it looks beety as can be, it tastes far more subtle. The sweetness of the beets is there, along with the tartness of the lemons. Together, they're a match made in hummeaven. Another point in its favor was the lack of earthiness that often comes with beets. I live in Portland now, where "earthy" takes on a whole new meaning—we're talking mushroom-tea-with-organic-soil-and-a-tinge-of-armpit-hair earthy—but this hummus didn't taste like something recycled from a garden co-op. Shockingly, it scored the highest of any in the lineup!

Alex—4.4/5     Jamie—4.7/5     Average—4.55

Overall Impressions

Look, life as a celebrity isn't as easy as it may seem. It's hard to be impartial when a company like Ithaca goes so far out of its way, but I've done my best to give a fair review. At the end of the day, a couple flavors really shined, and others were a little too strong. They're all certainly worth trying in my book, and I still need to get my hands on the Lemon Garlic I've heard so much about. 

I want to give a special shoutout to Ithaca for the package and a thank-you to my fans. The view from the top is nice, but I haven't forgotten about you all, I promise.